The Dark Night

If you couldn't tell from my blog, I'm having a hard time deciding whether this writing thing is for me. I got another rejected query today, but it was a very nice personalized query. Thank you very much Agent X. It was a very nice thing to do. But at the same time, I have to wonder if I'm wasting my time.

But then I did something today. I broke out my novel Impact, and I'm re-reading it. It's been a couple months since I've actually read it for enjoyment, and I have to say, I'm entertained. I still love my characters. I'm still shocked that I wrote something that deep or could relate to my characters so well. (I know, I wrote it, I should be able to relate to it.)

So, maybe I don't like the writing process. I know I HATE the publishing process. (Don't get me wrong. Even though I hate it, I know it's a necessary evil. I can't imagine a better system out there to ensure only the quality books get published.) But, I love a good story, and I think that's what I can offer. Maybe that's enough to get me through this dark night.

The Promised Land

Now that I've been spending my free time trying to get published, I feeling sympathy for figures that I never thought I would. Andy and I are on a grand mission to read the bible cover to cover. We both scoffed at the Israelites who, time after time, turned against God on their exodus from Egypt. 

Seriously, Andy and I were like, "Come on, you got your signs from God. He saved you so many times. What more do you want? Why do you keep on doubting and turn away?"

And at times I feel that way about writing. I'm one of the un-savory Israelites. Instead of being happy, overjoyed with what I have, I keep on saying, "I'm not at the promised land yet. I thought you said you were going there. How much further? Aww man, we should have stayed in Egypt." 

I can't think of how many times I wished I didn't start writing because it made things too complex, and I was happy, or at least content without the self doubt. Or, people keep on telling me that I will get published, but it just seems like it's so far away. At times I feel like I'm wandering aimlessly trying to get published, but not knowing how to get there. 

At least the Israelites had a message from God saying, "Yes, you my chosen people, will get there." I have no such guarantee. So, as I stare at my kitchen that is in dire need of a good cleaning, and my baby, who is in dire need of a good cleaning, I'm wondering if I'm on the right track. Do I head back to Egypt or keep on wandering aimlessly around the desert? If you have an answer, let me know. Thanks. 

Wov, true wov.

I finished it. It is all written, and I love this book. People who read it also enjoy the book. (I can't say they love it because only 2/3 said they did.) The major difference between this book and my first is I'm not all hyped on sending it out to agents. Actually, I'm afraid to do so.

Sure, it needs editing and re-writes, but right now, this is one of my prides and joys. It's shiny, happy, and everything I think a book should be. But, at the same time, I don't want to fall out of love with it like what I did with Impact.

I know. I'm being silly. It's like going on a couple dates, thinking you found Mr. Right and then walking away. True love survives the trials of life and there's nothing more painful than querying. I know it's something that has to happen, but I'm enjoying this high while I can because it's so easy now to lose that lovin' feeling.

Congrats to me

Today I just found out that my book Impact, made it to the semi-finals of the 2009 amazon.com Breakout Novel Contest. I'm competing with thousands of entries and published authors. I now am in the top 100, and even though I am excited about all of it, nothing can compete with my joy I have for my new book.

Maybe it's because I've read Impact until all the 20,000 cows came home, but there's something intriguing about Confessions of a Non-Blogger that keeps me laughing. The excitement won't die down. I still have TONS of editing to do. I have a former lawyer looking over it and she's pointing out all the areas where other lawyers would roll their eyes and say "Yeah, like that would ever happen," but I think this new book has so much potential.

I hope that it is just the newness that has me going. I loved the story Impact. One day, if and when it ever gets published, I hope you do too.

Thanks for all the support everyone. I truly mean it.

The Road Traveled

I know, I'm misquoting Robert Frost, but today I'm going to be talking about a heavily traveled road. It is the path to publication. I've thought about it a lot. I discussed it with close friends. And the more I learn about it, the more I think I must be a masochist.

Seriously,I am working hard, pushing myself to grab hold of the brass ring. I want to have a literary agent and be published. I want to see my novels in the bookstores, and to most people, they think this is where the curtains fall and the hero/heroine steps into the sunset. They are dead wrong. The more I hear about life after publication, I wonder if this is really want I want to do as my "hobby". It's heartbreaking, emotionally draining, demoralizing. Heck, I would have more fun as a crack addict. At least there are more highs... but yet I still want to wander down this road. I want to push myself that hard. As bad as it sounds, at this moment, I'm willing to risk the heartache if it brings me one step closer to the limelight.

So, please raise a glass with me if you also one of the miserable and insane. Here's to our hopes, our fears, and our demoralizing, arduous journey.

Labor of Love

I am quite blessed in my life. I have a baby who is like the best baby around. (I know a lot of parents say that, but I have other people tell me that my baby is the best one around.) And while my baby takes 2 hour naps and watches all the Elmo DVDs she can, she lets her mommy finish her book. 

Today I finished my third book and I have to say, this is a better feeling than the first. I love the quirkiness. I love my characters, and I think it comes together well. But like all labor of loves, this is just the infancy. There's so much to come. 

And just like my little girl, I think that this must have been from God. I'm not to say that this book is so perfect it's going to make you cry, but it's amazing that I wrote this. It's amazing that I can make someone laugh out loud or cry with just words written on a page. That's what I find miraculous. And to me, if I can move my readers, that's the highest achievement I could ever obtain. 

Support for Writers

I think I have an idea for my next book. This time it's going to be a non-fiction.. I came up with the idea from a comment my husband made. He said I don't listen to his advice, but I take other's writer's advice to heart even though it's the same concept. So....

For him, I'm going to write a book of things he should say when I make comments about writing. for example. 

1. Honey, I'm a fraud.

Awww Sweetie, you're talented. You have a great gift, and you don't see it because your magic surrounds you every day. I have faith in you.

2. I'm never going to get published.

That's not true, and you know it. The road to publishing is tough, but if you persevere, it will make it all worth it. (Note: there is no falling off the horse analogy. Unless tequila is involved, there's no reason to mention falling off a horse.) 

3. Why did I ever get into writing?

You got into writing because you love to write, not to get published. You have great ideas. You love it when a scene comes together. I see the pride you have in your work. You write because you love to do so. 

4. I don't know if have what it takes to make it. 

see answer 2.

I'm sure if I write this book, my husband and support systems all around the world will thank me. 

The Vent

This blog has very little to do with writing, but much to do with complaining. So let me slap on my complaining cap and get to work. We're going to be talking about what people did to annoy me. Normally, it takes a lot for me to get annoyed. But today it seemed like I was the annoying person magnet. If you were annoying, you came to see me. It's bad when you know you only see a patient for about fifteen minutes, and I'm already counting down the minutes after the first three.

Top things that annoy Aspiring Girl.
1. Don't demand an antibiotic for your daughter for allergy symptoms. Sure, your medications didn't work, but if she's not sick, if she's not feeling sick, if she denies even being around sick people, I don't think the antibiotics will work. On top of that, you used the wrong medication. You would never ask a hammer to saw through a piece of wood and then declare the hammer defective.

2. I don't know why this bugs me, but I hate it when patient's quiz me. It's not even things that they came in for. It's like little things that you would expect Dr. House to know. "I have a greenfield filter. Do you know what it is?" This may be me getting defensive. And luckily I knew, but at the same time, what's the point? Are you testing me to find out whether I'm worthy to diagnose your _____.

3. I'm in the health care industry. I've been trained to take care of the body. Don't ask me if I took a marketing class. Do I have "Family Nurse Practitioner/Marketing Extraordinaire" behind my name. I've been pretty easy going with the marketing. I've been doing the things the company asked me to do with minimal complaint, but don't condescendingly ask me if I've taken a marketing training. I feel insulted.

Writing wise. I now hit 60k words and 200 pages on my newst book. It's great because I'm almost at the end, but bad because I'm now feeling the pressure to make it as quirky and as entertaining as the beginning. And you can ask my husband, I normally choke when put on the spot.

Potpourri

My husband made a comment to me yesterday. He wondered why I listen to the encouragement other writers give while he says the exact same thing and it means nothing. (It means something, but I don't get the whole "aha" revelation that I do with the writers.) 

I think it's because he doesn't say things point blank, spell it out, or high light it in neon letters. Or if he does say it, he says it in passing. If you could tell, I put all the blame on him when in all reality, it is probably a combo of him and me. 

I am so thankful for my fellow writers I know. They keep me sane. They encourage me, and they help critique my stories so they end up stronger. Kudos to them. 

I'm so close to finishing this book, I can taste it. But.. I'm afraid that I got side tracked by someone else's book, that I no longer want to write my own. 

I'm going to take a break from writing after this book. There will be plenty of editing, pitching, and so forth, but for now, I need a little break. (I'll probably be like my husband where the month break will turn into two weeks, and then all of a sudden I'm hit with inspiration and need to get it all down on paper.) 

Agent for a day

I was going to write about something else, but I just read Nathan Bransford blog and it totally caught my eye. For those who don't follow it, he's offering a challenge. Because there's so much criticism of Literary Agents now, he's offering the writers an opportunity to be an agent for a day. Basically, he will randomly send out 50 query letters, and as an agent you have to decide which ones to accept and which ones to reject, drafting your own letters. You can only acept 5 manuscripts out of the fifty.

Pretty neat idea. That's one way of walking in someone's shoes, but I don't think it does it justice. I think literary agents do a lot more than just sift through 50 emails. There's more of an emotional drain to the job.

I have a lot of respect for agents. I don't envy them at all. It's hard to close a door on someone's dream, and there are some agents who could do it with more finesse.

I'm thinking of taking up this challenge to see how I will do... if I can get this scene down first.

writing is making me mental

See today's title. Enough said.

no response means no

I was reading something on #agentfail on bookends, which is the writer's response to #queryfail, and as valid as some of the point were, there was something that I took to heart. I really don't like the "no response means no" that some literary agents take. One literary agent made the point that if you send off cover letters and resumes you don't expecting responses from the companies. 

But this is where I beg to differ. Maybe it's because I'm in the healthcare industry that I make this analogy but I think it's completely true. If you have blood tests done or any medical tests done, don't you expect your doctor to let you know if they are normal? I think that this is a much better analogy because when we write and send off queries, we are sending off our babies. We are exposing our pride and joys to strangers, and we want to know if there's going to be a marriage out of it. 

And when agents say that it's not what they love, I totally respect that. The agent has to sell it, and if they don't love the novel, they aren't going to do it justice. Would you recommend a book to someone that you only had luke warm feelings? No, so don't expect the agents to do that either. 

In every industry you're going to have the good and bad professionals. The hard part is finding the right ones for you. I tell people all the time, querying is like speed dating. It's hard to find that right one person for you in five minutes, but you hope you sparked enough interest for a second date. 

The Climb

Andy knows that when he hears Miley Cyrus's song, "The Climb", I've had a rejection, I'm feeling down, I'm doubting myself, or all of the above. Lately, it has been on repeat. I'm lucky though. Not only do I have a theme song for my publishing pursuits that keep me going, I have an awesome supporting family and friends who help me along the way. They give me encouragement, re-focus me, and well, they listen to me complain. 

And then there's my Faith. I can't ignore that. I was just running on the treadmill today totally berating myself, and it was as if God slapped me on the head and said, "What are you complaining about? Things are great?" And it's true.  

And lastly, I have my characters I created. I take console in what they went through. Sure, I'm not being stalked by a shape-shifting sociopath, but like Katie, I need to stay in the moment and not get caught up in the what-ifs. And like Jenna in my book, Impact, I do have the strength and power in me this whole time. It's a matter of developing the talent. 

So even though I'm being bombarded with negativity, I  love the fact that inspiration is all around me, and I hope it is that way with you too.