You know... I had a hard time trying to figure out what to write about today.. hence the last short entry, but I have a topic now...

I can only recall one time I have ever been jealous. That was when I gave birth to my baby, and while all the other mothers on the floor had their babies in their rooms, mine was two floors below in the NICU. I know the bitter meanness of jealousy, but what I'm feeling now isn't that. I'm feeling heartache.

I keep on hearing about other people's successes writing, and I wish them all the best. They deserve it. They worked hard, created something amazing, and didn't take no for an answer. Their victory had nothing to do with luck. They are amazing people with incredible talents. 

And so here I am watching the ticker parade go by with no victories or successes of my own. I have to wonder if that will ever happen to me. Am I creative enough, dedicated enough, bull headed enough to persevere. 

I can live with a lot. I can understand that some people won't enjoy what I write. But what scares me the most right now is what if I'm not talented enough? How will you ever know when to throw in the towel?